Thursday, September 23, 2010
So I am only a few days late with this, but this time I actually have a valid reason: I've been sick with a nasty cold which prevented me from completing my revisions sooner. Anyways, here, finally, is the revised Ring Poem:
Tres Anuli sub caelo Regibus Elbicis
Septem Dominis Nanis in hypogeis ex saxo,
Novem moriendum Mortalibus damnatis,
Unus Domino Atro qui sedet in solio atro
In Terra Mordore operta Umbris
Unus Anulus eos omnes regendos, Unus Anulus eos inveniendos,
Unus Anulus eos omnes conferendos et in tenebris vinciendos
In Terra Mordore operta Umbris
You will notice that I have done several things this time round:
1) I finally gave in and made the infinitives gerundives
2) I realized that there is a rhyming scheme to the original english (namely in the first half its ABABA format, dont know what the proper term for it is, was never very good with poetry), I've tried to replicate it in the first half of the poem. I find the second half works better with putting the gerundives at the end and having them rhyme with each other in Latin.
And now I must acknowledge where I have stolen from (read: taken influence from :P):
1) I went back to Earendilyon's (the man who originally started translating LOTR into Latin) original translation and realized I had made a mistake by having Mordor in the genitive when it should have been in the ablative. This has now been corrected. Also, for the second half, you will notice that eos omnes and eos alternates, just like in the english. This was also taken from Earendilyon's translation of the poem, as well as the use of the gerund in line 3. I should also like to point out that his influence can be seen in parts of my translation for page two of FOTR which I posted earlier this week. I think in fact that he may be aware of this project, and I really do hope that he is okay with my translating anew and blatant borrowing/stealing/taking influence from his original work.
2) I would like to personally thank my friend Thomas Volpius from the SCHOLA online community, who allowed me to use his translation of the poem. Thomas' influence can be seen most clearly in lines 1-5 and line 8. Although in lines 1 and 2 I did not use the exact words he used, they did inspire me to look for others. Thomas' poem originally uses Regibus Elborum for the elves where as I decided to create the adjective Elbicus, a, um to use. In my opinion using the adjective is a little bit closer to the original BUT Thomas has infact helped to solve the debate on what word to use for elf. Originally I was going to use Eldar, -is, but now I think I will keep this just for the mention of the Eldar in the text. Elbicus, a , um, will be used for something that is Elven, and Thomas' word Elbus (which is really quite clever considering that word elf is related to the latin Albus) will be the word used for elf. Thomas' use of cryptoporticibus in the second line was a little bit too unwieldy for the flow of the poem but it did get the correct connotation of the underground hall. It inspired me to find something similar: cryptogeum, an underground chamber or room, which I've made a note of in the glossary to translate as hall for the purposes of the poem. At any rate, much credit and thanks goes out to Thomas for allowing me to use his translation.
Also, if you haven't already, PLEASE have a look at the revised translation of page one and the new translation of page two. I fear that due to my absence some of you have decided to jump ship as it were. I hope not.
Friday, September 17, 2010
CONVIVIUM EXSPECTATUM DIU
Cum Magister Bilbo Bursonus qui habitabat Bursae Imae nuntiavit eum breviter centesimum et undecimum diem sui natalis convivio magnificentiae egregiae celebraturum esse, erat multa fama et commotio in Hobbitovico.
Bilbo erat perdives et insolitissimus, et annos sexaginta fuerat spectaculum Pagi, tempore quo notabiliter e conspectu aberat et insperatum rederat. Divitae quae is rettulerat itineribus suis iam factae erant fabulam Pagi, et id creditum est, neglegens illa quae seneces dicant, populariter ab multo populi Pagi Collem Bursae Imae cuniculos fartos divitis habuisse. Et si illud erat non satis fama, erat quoque suus prorogatus vigor spectare. Tempus extendit, et videtur id multo non affecisse de Bilbone. Annis nonaginta aetatis similis erat quam fuerat annis quinquaginta aetatis. Annis nonaginta et novem aetatis inceperunt vocare eum conservatum bene; sed non immutatus verius verbum dictu esset. Erant aliqui qui sua caputa quasserunt et cogitaverunt hoc nimium esse; id videtur iniustum aliquem iuventutem sempiternam (specie) et quoque divitas infinitas (per famam) tenturum esse.
“Id solvendum erit!” dixerunt. “Id est non naturale, et molesta venient propter id!”
Sed illo tempore molesta non adhuc venerat; et quoniam Magister Bursonus suam pecuniam aliis benigne dedit, plurimi homines volebant condonare novitatem suam et divitas bonas suas propter hoc. Is suos propinquos interviseat (praeter Bursoni ex Sackvilla) habuit homines studiosos multos qui eum admirati sunt inter hobbites familiarium pauperium et levium. Sed is familiares nullos habuit, donec aliqui patruelium invenium suorum inceperunt adolescere.
Veterrimus quorum patruelium, et carissimus Bilboni, erat adolescens Frodo Bursonus. Cum Bilbo erat nonaginta et novem anni aetatis is fecit Frodonem suum heredem, et is tulit eum ad Bursam Imam ad vivendum ibi; et propter hoc spes Bursonorum ex Sackvilla ad inritum redacti sunt tandem.
Accidit ut Bilbo et Frodo quoque nati erant die eodem, qui erat alter et vicesimus dies mensis Septembris. “Debes venire et habitare hic, Frodo mi puere,” Bilbo dixerat ei die uno, “et tum poterimus celebratare diem nostrorum natlium commode inter nos.” Tunc Frodo erat etiam tweenus, verbum quo hobbites vocaverunt aetates immaturas inter pueritiam aetate annorum viginti et aditum in puberitatem aetate annorum triginta tres.
Duodecim anni transierunt. Per annum omnem Bursoni convivia acerrima mixta ad tempus diei natalium suorum Bursae Imae celebraverat; sed nunc intellebatur aliquid eximius autumno illi advenienti excogitari. Bilbo anni centum et undecim aetatis futurus erat, CXI, numerus attractivior, et aetas honestissima hobbito (Tuccus Vetus ipse solum aetate annorum centum et triginta mortuus erat); et Frodo anni triginta et tres aetatis futurus erat, XXXIII, numerus sonticus: id erat dies quo is in pubertatem ingrediatur.
Rumores per Hobbitovicum et Iustaquam inceperunt spargere; et rumor de convivio advenienti Pagum totum perlustravit. Res gestae et indoles Magistri Bilbonis Bursoni rursum factae sunt primus res in sermone; et homines vetiores subito invenerunt multos recordiationes suos laete velle audire.
Nemo habuit auditores attentiores quam Vetus Hammus Gamsio, qui vocabatur Vetulum ab multis. Is mansit Fruticis Haderae, tabernae parvae in Via Iustaqua; et habuit auctoritatem aliquam cum dicebat, nam curaverat hortum Bursae Imae annos quadraginta, et adiuverat Veterem Cavivirum arte eadem ante. Sed quod is incepiebat fieri vetus et sui artus incipiebant fieri rigidi, opus extendebatur fere ab adolescentissimo filio, Sammo Gamsione. Et pater et filius usi sunt familiariter Bilbone et Frodone. Habitaverunt in Colle ipso, in Peramisso Ordone numero tres signatis solummodo infra Bursam Imam.
“Suavissimus eloquentissimus generosus-hobbitus est Magister Bilbo, ut semper dixi,” Vetulus declaravit. Verrime: nam Bilbo dixit urbanissime ei, vocans eum ‘Magistrum Hamfastum’, et consultans eum semper de cultu holerum – de re cultus ‘stirpum’, maxime de patatis, Vetulus noscebatur ut primum auctorem ab omnibus in vicinia (et quoque ab ipso).
“Sed hic Frodo qui habitat secum?” Nocus Vetus ex Iustaqua rogavit, “Bursonus est suus nomen, sed plus quam dimidia sui sanguinis est ex Brandicapris, dicitur. Nescio quare aliqui Bursonus ex Hobbitovico eat ad quaerendum uxorem longe in Capriterram, ubi homines sunt insolitissimi.”
“Et non est miraculum eos insolitos esse.” addidit Tatula Bipes (vicinus Vetuli), “si habitant in ripa prava Fluminis Brandivini, et sub Silvam Veterem, quae est locus obscurus malus, si dimidia fabularum sit vera.”
“Dicis vere, Tata!”dixit Vetulus. “Non est ut si Brandicapres ex Capriterra habitant in Silva Vetere; sed sunt genus insolitum, ut videtur. Conludunt ratibus in illo magno flumene - et illud non est naturale. Non est miraculum molesta propter id venisse, dico. Utcumque res ceciderit, Magister Frodo est tam lepidus quam velis offendere adolescenti hobbito. Est simillimus Magistri Bilboni, et non solum specie. Denique suus pater erat Bursonus. Decens respectabilis hobbitus erat Magister Drogo Bursonus; erat numquam multum narrare de eo, quoad mersit."
Friday, May 7, 2010
Also, I have made modifications and changes to the glossary, the ring poem and the first page of chapter one. I would very much like everyone's feedback on this. I know that a couple of the lines in the poem are still clunky, but I couldn't find another word to replace tenebricosus. Obscurus came close but it didn't have the connotations that tenebricosus has. So it will have to stay since it fits Sauron so well :P
Oh, there's also a search engine at the top of the page so you can now search the blog for stuff. I hope it helps! I'm currently working on page two of chapter one, and I'll update again when I have it done (hopefully in a week, don't quote me on that though!). Take care, and please comment, I know it's been months since I posted but I hope that most of you are still around for discussion. Valete vobis!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
First thing’s first, I’m really glad to see people commenting on the translation and making suggestions. I don’t necessarily agree with all of them, but a couple important issues have arisen which I’d like to turn to.
The first is regarding the words for elf and dwarf. The suggestion has been made that I use the Latin nanus, so that I don’t have to invent a word. Finding a word for elf is harder, since the Latin word for elf also has connotations such as nymph or faerie, which is not what I don’t think the Professor was going for. Nanus could be used, yes, but then what for elf? I want to keep a sense of the uniqueness of the elves, the dwarves, the hobbits in Tolkien’s work.
I am trying to convey the uniqueness of the English text, the original, and not another translation of LOTR when it comes to the names. The translation is intended for English readers (I don’t know any other modern languages, sorry), hence why there’s a Latin-English glossary. This is why I brought up the issue of recognisability to the reader with names, place names, et cetera. Someone did make the point of it being recognizable to which reader, in reference to their language, and my response is simply that it is intended to be recognizable to the English speaking and reading person.
Returning back to the idea of recognisability, although adjectives like Elvenibus and Dwarvenibus are recognizable, they may seem a tad primitive on second glance to me. Although Dwarvenibus seems appropriate since it gets across the idea of dwarven so well in the word. But what for elven, or elf? How does one keep the uniqueness and still remain recognizable to the English reader? I think I will use nanus, as has been suggested (adjective nanus, a, um). However, for elf and elven I think it may be best to take Eldar and decline it. So, Eldar, is for the noun (m.) and Eldar, e for the adjective.
As for whether to leave the place names and names untranslated and decline or to actually translate their name meanings, I think it may be best to just decline and leave them unless there’s a necessary exception to this, such as Bilbo’s name and Bag End. Carlos suggested Bursonus for Baggins, which I think is quite clever. Since this comes from bursa, for bag, it might be good to combine it with ima (bottom- so bottom of the bag- i.e. cul-de-sac) for Bag End. Perhaps Bursa Ima?
As for Tolkien’s suggestion that Hobbiton be translated hobbit + town, in this case oppidum hobbitorum (town of hobbits), that doesn’t exactly work in my opinion. Hobbiton will remain declined. The same goes for the Sackville Bagginses: Bursoni Villa Sacci (Bagginses from a village of a sack) doesn’t really work. Sometimes being literal about things does work (although my translation of colloquialisms in chapter one will doubtless have to improve). Although the spelling for Sackvillus could be Latinized (Sacvilla might be better). Bursoni Sacvilla (Bagginses from Sackville).
As for putting the Ring Poem in hexameter, I don’t think that would work, fun and hate filled though it would be. For one thing, the meter in English is very inconsistent. Although most of the lines have eleven syllables in English, some of the lines have eight, nine or even thirteen! I don’t think Tolkien set out to create a strict metric formula with the poem. I agree with one comment that lines 2 and 4 are rather unwieldy… I will try to make the poem flow a bit better though while not remaining in any consistent meter.
My translation updates will be sporadic, since I have my university studies to attend to, so hang in there. I’ll likely try to update on weekends.